If NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell lived in a world replete with replacement people and parts, maybe he'd feel differently about the replacement referees he employs to oversee pro football games.
Would a replacement dentist drilling holes into his teeth scare Goodell into declaring a truce with the locked-out officials?
How about going under the knife of a replacement surgeon? Or driving away from the repair shop after replacement mechanics fixed his car? Taking a flight directed by replacement pilots?
Would he get the hint?
Who wants to buy a concert ticket and then get stuck watching a replacement band? Or hear a sermon preached by a replacement preacher? Would you jump out of an airplane wearing a replacement parachute?
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No thanks.
To be fair, the replacement officials are stuck in a situation well beyond their expertise and experience levels. It's like asking a small-town air-traffic controller used to dealing with Piper Cubs to land 747s at Chicago's O'Hare Airport.
That's akin to what Goodell has done with the NFL -- inexperienced, inept and inexplicable refs are flying the league into the ground.
Bad calls, inconsistent calls, missed calls, games running too long, coaches and players sparring with the refs, poor communication -- just plain bad officiating -- are making a mockery of a league already lacking a sense of humor.
Regardless of when -- or if -- the locked-out officials return to the field this year, Monday night's official buffoonery ensured that the 2012-13 season will include an asterisk, joining the 1987-88 season when dreadful replacement players were used for three games. If replacement officials continue bungling games, the Lombardi Trophy will take a few dents and the NFL shield will gather rust.
In a 16-game season, every contest is huge, and one game could be the difference between the Green Bay Packers making or missing the playoffs, owning home-field advantage or hitting the road for the postseason. Ditto for the Seattle Seahawks.
Does Goodell really want that determined by rent-a-refs?
Players, coaches and fans were uneasy with the concept of replacement officials in the first place, but now that those doubters have a hallmark game to point to, an unruly NFL nation is gathering pitchforks, lighting torches and marching toward NFL headquarters.
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If the labor dispute between the NFL and its locked-out referees continues for several more weeks, attendance may wane and TV ratings could sag. Some fans are trying to organize protests and boycotts. That can't be well-received at Goodell's stately manor.
The only solution is for both parties to compromise and resolve this conflict ASAP, or else the league's public relations nightmare could spin out of control, making that asterisk the least of Goodell's worries.
If Goodell cannot send the replacement refs packing soon, the NFL might be in need of replacement fans.
Contact News Tribune sports editor Rick Lubbers at rlubbers@duluthnews.com or (218) 723-5317. Follow him on Twitter @ricklubbersdnt . No replacement writers were used in the production of this column.
