ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Brian Matuszak column: Brian's summer projects begin with random thoughts

So, summer has started around the Matuszak household, and I'm woefully behind on my semi-important seasonal projects. I better get a move on, cuz those Fritos ain't gonna crunch themselves. While I fetch a tub of Top the Tater and work on that, h...

Brian Matuszak
Brian Matuszak is a columnist for the Duluth Budgeteer News.

So, summer has started around the Matuszak household, and I'm woefully behind on my semi-important seasonal projects. I better get a move on, cuz those Fritos ain't gonna crunch themselves. While I fetch a tub of Top the Tater and work on that, here's a fresh batch of Random Thoughts for you to enjoy!

  • Color me jealous, but if I could reach where the cat can reach, I'd be late for several appointments.
  • You and I may pronounce "potato" and "tomato" differently, but that's no reason to call off our entire project. Please,

let cooler heads prevail.

  • When it comes to texting, I'm all thumbs.
  • This is embarrassing, but for the longest time, I thought Twitter was invented by Conway Twitty.
  • Speaking of social media, I bet if a wood tick had a Facebook page, its status update would say nothing but "I suck" for three straight months.
  • I understand it is currently a buyer's market for souls. Good news for Satan, bad news for Mitt Romney.
  • I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And also that I just washed the car.
  • If ifs and buts ARE candy and nuts, my high school English teacher has some explaining to do.
  • For my money, there's not a better taste sensation than pretzel sticks dipped in smashed-up cherry-flavored Tums.
  • If Sam Cook and Larry Weber went camping together, I bet the conversation would sound a lot like this: "Look, a loon. Look, a plant. Look, a fish. Look, a spider."
  • Proctor needs to annex something they can really use, like a less silly sounding name.

Brian Matuszak has been difficult and demanding since February 2008. He is the co-founder of Renegade Comedy Theatre, founder of Rubber Chicken Theater, and doesn't really eat Fritos with Top the Tater, although he has been known to slap some Cheez Whiz on a cracker and call it a day.

What To Read Next