So that's either October right around the corner or Justin Liles is skulking around my backyard looking for hoarfrost. Either way, it's time to stick a crowbar in my cranium and unload some more Random Thoughts!
-If Sam Cook falls in the woods, does he make a column about it?
-I have never attended a Mayor's Night at City Hall. Am I expected to provide the warm beverages, or does Don do that?
-I don't really care who put the bop in the bop-she-bop, but I am curious to find out if a Who down in Whoville ever she-bopped the Who.
-If a tree falls on Rush Limbaugh in the woods, not only does it NOT make a sound, but chances are, he eats it.
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-You heard it here first: The sequel to "Fifty Shades of Grey" will be "Fifty-One Shades of Puce." And it won't sell nearly as well.
-{}. ~, and <> are the most useless keys on my computer keyboard. However, #, @, !, $, and * get used all the time. Weird.
-To me, a coupon book without a two-for-one deal at Hardee's is useless. But could probably save your life.
-Dan Hanger's glasses should have their own weekly segment on Fox 21 News. Call it "Hangin' on the Hanger."
-If Kerry Gauthier falls in the woods, does the Duluth News Tribune make a sound?
-I'm no architect, but if I'm Maurices and I want to make people forget they can't see the lake anymore, I design the new skyscraper in downtown Duluth to look like a giant pair of culottes. Oh, and put the fire escape in the crotch.
-Loose lips may sink ships, but flabby jowls aren't doing your boat any favors either.
-It's great that the Duluth Playhouse got a new parking ramp, and it's commendable that they're embracing technology with the payment machine, but I'm still a little freaked out by that man-eating plant from "Little Shop of Horrors" singing "Feed me ... in quarters!!"
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-Whenever I hear a polka, I always wonder how to spell "Chmielewski."
-I think Berlin the polar bear has been in the Twin Cities too long. I heard she now eats only fresh, all-natural, zero-calorie, fat-free, organic sushi from Byerly's. At least, that's what the seals tweeted from their iPhones.
Brian Matuszak has been difficult and demanding since February 2008. He is the co-founder of Renegade Comedy Theatre, founder of Rubber Chicken Theater, and enjoys oxymorons such as "military intelligence," "living dead" and "Proctor sanitation."
