It was hard to tell who was having a better time, the children playing in the big kid-friendly yard or the moms laughing and chatting in the shade.
The monthly gathering of a group of moms of children with Down syndrome turned into a late-summer play date, complete with children splashing in a wading pool and playing on swings and slides.
Lisa Faust, who hosted the gathering at her Duluth home, had been in a moms group in Michigan before moving to Duluth last fall and enjoyed the socializing and support it gave her. When she found out Duluth didn't have a similar Down syndrome moms group, she contacted the local organization Down Up North and offered to start one.
When the women are together, there's an instant understanding.
Though each child with Down syndrome is unique, the children may face similar challenges. The moms with younger children can ask the moms with older children for advice.
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Several of the moms said that after they gave birth to a child with Down syndrome, some people told them they were sorry about it.
"It's not something to be sorry about," Faust said. "I have a wonderful child."
HEALTH ISSUES
Some of the physical problems that can accompany Down syndrome, the moms said, include cataracts, heart defects, gastrointestinal problems and the need for ear tubes. Children with Down syndrome also have a higher risk of leukemia the first few years of their lives. You have to know your child and medically stay on top of things, the moms said.
You also have to advocate for your child to get the services he or she needs, the moms said.
"Until you have a child with special needs, you may not understand these things," Faust said.
DIFFERENT NEEDS
Laura Plys, whose 9-year-old son has Down syndrome, recommended that new moms not read books about the syndrome because many are outdated and depressing.
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Faust said her advice to moms who have a child with Down syndrome is: "Take the rule book you used with your previous child and burn it and throw it in the garbage."
Learning how to parent a child with special needs can be hard, she said, but you learn as you go.
"It gets a lot easier, people with older children say. They say it will get better," Faust said.
Plys said she has learned the importance of being flexible and perseverant.
Kids grow up so fast that you sometimes miss all the little milestones in their development, Plys said. With a child with Down syndrome, it may take longer to reach milestones, and when it happens you celebrate them, she said.
Harmoni Eknes said she doesn't focus on what her 23-month-old son should be doing, as far as milestones. Instead, she focuses on who he is, she said.
Plys said life is different now than it was a generation ago for kids with Down syndrome. They used to be segregated in special education classes and now are in mainstream classrooms and on youth sports teams with everyone else, she said.
It's because of parents, Faust said. "We are the ones banging on the doors," she said.
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LINDA HANSON covers family issues and religion. She can be reached weekdays at (218) 723-5335 or by e-mail at lhanson@duluthnews.com .
