Rubber Chicken Scratchings: Dinosaurs or city council meetings? Brian can't decide

Budgeteer readers, I could really use your help. I am stuck for a direction to take this week's column. I know I really should have taken care of this prior to the Budge actually being published, but it's been a busy week around the Matuszak homestead.

Those Lady Gaga tunes aren't gonna load into the iPod by themselves, you know. And is it my fault the Food Network picked last night to show the premiere episode of "Guy Fieri's Cannibal Showdown"?

I do have a couple ideas I thought might be fun to explore in a column, but I just can't make up my mind.

Do any of these strike your fancy? (And if you've ever had your fancy struck, I apologize in advance.) If so, please e-mail me at Brian@RubberChickenTheater.com and let me know which one is your favorite.

I can't promise I'll flesh it out into a full-fledged column by next week, though -- Snoop Dogg just released a new single and I gotta give it a bo-shizzle-listen, yo.

Column Idea No. 1

What's the deal with the excitement surrounding the upcoming "Walking with Dinosaurs" show coming to town?

People are plunking down big bucks to watch a bunch of robots clunk around and scuff up the DECC floor while pre-recorded roars rumble through the sound system. It's not like these are real dinosaurs, people.

They are made of wires and plastic and gears and giant fake mouths that open and eat all your money. They are not real.

Having said that, they would have a better chance of getting my money if they actually did something unique with these giant fake lizards.

Just having them huff and puff and walk around may look cool, but, really, is that worth 50 bucks a pop?

These robots move, people. Let's choreograph something awesome and really show off those animatronics.

For example, get two of the T-Rex robots to recreate the tug-of-war scene from "Jurassic Park 2" with the staff from Teatro Zuccone -- now you have something I would pay to watch.

Column Idea No. 2

So I was watching my PACT cable channel 7 a couple Mondays back to see if the Duluth City Council would take up my vitally important issue of ... something to do with bacon. I forget now exactly what it was because the meeting was so booooooooooring, I nodded off right after the Pledge of Allegiance.

Remember when council meetings were exciting? Man, ever since John Fedo and his 23 felonies left town, these meetings have been super-lame.

So, as a service to my fellow Duluth citizens, I offer this proposal to liven up Duluth City Council meetings: Randomly assign someone on the council to carry a banana cream pie in their pants.

At any time during the evening's proceedings, this elected official could viciously hurl their pie at anyone in the audience who starts to nod off -- and double points for waking up Chief Administrative Officer David Montgomery.

And it could work both ways: Let the citizens carry in bottles of any highly carbonated beverage (this isn't Bayfront Festival Park) and, at any point during the consent agenda, they could blast away at the council member of their choice.

Who wouldn't want to see a wet Jay Fosle with Mountain Dew Typhoon dripping from his goatee?

Column Idea No. 3

"Walking with Duluth City Council Dinosaurs."

Brian Matuszak has been difficult and demanding since February of 2008. He is the co-founder of Renegade Comedy Theatre and founder of Rubber Chicken Theater, and he doesn't really advocate eating the people at Teatro Zuccone. Well, maybe just a nibble....