Father's Day has two stages, the first as a son or daughter, the second as father. The same is true of Mother's Day, of course, but this is Father's Day and I'm a father.
So we go from honoring to being honored on these Hallmark holidays. Sometimes they overlap, but they didn't for me.
With parents long gone, it has been quite some time since I've been on the honoring side of this observance. And I'm not much interested in being honored, although I'm sure my grown son and daughter will figure out something, and I'll appreciate it.
The truth is, I'm honored to be their father every day, at all times, and having a special day for them to honor me makes me somewhat uncomfortable. They honor me by the way they turned out in life, and that's all I need.
I'm sure other fathers feel the same way. Besides, I feel sorry for anyone trying to buy me a typical Father's Day gift -- the ones you see advertised for weeks leading up to the observance. I don't golf, hunt, fish, build things, or engage in any of the activities you see "typical" fathers portrayed as doing in advertisements.
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I do subscribe to the New York Times daily, where expensive watches, upwards of $1,000, are advertised as great Father's Day gifts. I've got a couple of watches given me by the former owners of this newspaper for long service, both very reliable and expensive enough for me. So I don't need a watch.
It was the same when I had a father. I never knew what to give the "old man" (more on that later) on Father's Day. He wasn't big on the usual hobbies, either. Back in those days you could always pick up a pipe and a super-size can of tobacco, but that kind of gift is out now. My dad always smoked Union Leader pipe tobacco, and he was one.
Which brings up another aspect of fatherhood. I wonder if my kids refer to me as "my old man" when they talk to their friends. I hope so, because I deserve it and don't see it as disrespectful at all. (It does seem disrespectful when wives refer to their husbands as "my old man.")
As a youth, whenever I referred to my father as "my old man" I felt guilty, but everybody did it and you wanted to fit in. "My old man wouldn't let me use the car," you'd say, or, "My old man is taller than your old man." Strangely, seldom did you hear kids call their mothers "my old lady," but some did. Doesn't ring right.
For the past three years I've had an opportunity to closely observe fatherhood secondhand, as a grandfather. Today's fathers are a lot more involved in the day-to-day care and maintenance of their infants and toddlers than I was, and more power to them. Honor them for all of those diaper changes and messy feedings.
But years from now, I hope the young fathers in my family will feel as I do today and every day -- honored and proud to have had a role in the way their children turned out. That's enough for any dad.
And if their kids call them "my old man," all the better.
E-mail JIM HEFFERNAN at vheffernan@earthlink.net . For previous columns go to duluthnewstribune.com.
