On the eve of a recent trip to a distant city, I informed my wife that my business there would require dealing with a group of Southern women, famous for their aristocratic beauty and their hypnotically charming drawl.
Having lived with me for 30 years, Marianne seldom responds to such advisories. So when she turned her head and appeared to be mulling over the temptation I described, I felt we were on the threshold of a life-changing moment as a couple.
"Don't forget to pack your Old Spice antiperspirant," she said. "And the Listerine, just in case you get too near to those poor girls."
I cite this conversation not to invite public pity, but because of the upcoming criminal trial of astronaut Lisa Nowak. She was charged with attempted kidnapping, burglary, and assault and battery.
Nowak was arrested Feb. 5 after she drove from Houston to Florida, carrying three adult diapers, purportedly to avoid rest-stop delays and catch up with Air Force Capt. Colleen Shipman in an Orlando airport parking lot. Shipman, who was dating astronaut Bill Oefelein, Nowak's former lover, got away after Nowak allegedly attacked her with pepper spray.
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Police also reported finding a BB gun, a rubber mallet, a four inch knife, lengths of rubber tubing and a bottle of unidentified orange pills in Nowak's car. But Nowak's attorneys claim the police search of her car was illegal, so the trial has been postponed from its original start date of Sept. 24, pending the judge's ruling on a the motion to suppress the evidence. The judge was considering testimony last week.
NASA already has fired Nowak, and it's quite possible that by this time next month she will be serving a prison sentence.
Because the bizarre diaper detail, as originally reported, is not true (she was not wearing one), why has this simple case of stalking generated so much media buzz worldwide?
Certainly the fact that she's an astronaut, a member of a small and celebrated elite corps, has something to do with it. And, of course, America always relishes a scandalous love triangle, especially when the participants are shapely and photogenic.
But in this case there is something more: an element of romance, but also one of danger, that is one part "Romeo and Juliet" and the other part "Fatal Attraction."
I admit -- and I'm quite sure that at least 82 percent of American husbands will, too -- that a lover willing to drive 900 miles, nonstop, to fight for her man, is manifesting the kind of passion which, though we don't really want that big a dollop of it, might be kind of titillating.
"So, Marianne, do you think you would ever be motivated, like Navy Capt. Nowak, to drive 900 miles to protect your vital interests?"
She crosses her arms.
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"Think carefully," I add. "Would you not only drive the 900 miles, but also make whatever sacrifice might be called for to complete the journey on time? I don't, of course, mean diapers, but maybe some other measure, such as foregoing a meal or some sleep, all for the sake of our love? Dear?"
"It depends," she said. "If by 'vital interests' you mean making sure my name appears on the title of the house, the two cars and the bank account, pending whatever happens on your little business trip, then the answer is 'yes.' But, Silly, it's only about three miles to the divorce lawyer's office, not 900."
Isn't she funny?
Of course, in my heart of hearts, I believe she would drive 900 or even 9,000 miles for her man. But I'm keeping that thought to myself. Like Romeo, I understand that some romantic sentiments are best expressed in soliloquy.
David McGrath is a freelance writer in Hayward.
