Dear Abby:
I am a physician and mother of a toddler who understands "New Momin Las Vegas," the woman who is concerned because she finds playing with her8-month-old tedious. While postpartum depression should be ruled out, it is not uncommon for an adult woman to be bored byendless hours of playing with blocks and rattles.
Raising a child is the most rewarding, loving and, yes, sometimes boring job a person can take on. Suggesting that women are good mothers only if they are constantly enthralled with children's activities sets them up for feelings of failure and inadequacy.
Getting out of the house for any activity, such as a walk or a trip to the library or store, helps relieve the tedium. Most experts urge new mothers to take personal time away from their children as a way to maintain their sense of individuality and perspective. If reading or going online recharges "Mom," it should not be considered an unhealthy escape.
A final word: The new dad should help his partner feel appreciated and practice his own parenting skills by giving her a break from child care.
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-- Happy Mom in Chester, Vt.
Dear Happy Mom:
Thank you for mentioning that fathers are an important part of the equation. "New Mom," and others like her, will appreciate your letter. Read on:
* Every mother is different. Some of us were meant to be stay-at-home moms, others need the challenge of a career and the company of other adults. This doesn't make someone a bad mom.
Perhaps "New Mom" should consider returning to her career earlier than she had planned. Although being a working mom is a tough balancing act, it may provide her with what she needs.
* I'm a 75-year-old mom of four boys, all born 18 months apart. I was bored silly playing with babies, but found a way to make it work for me. I would pack up my babies and walk outside in the morning and after nap time. We walked for miles observing nature while I got some much-needed exercise. I had the healthiest babies in town and looked pretty good myself! I can't remember "playing" with my boys, but we all have fond memories of hours at the park and snack time at the convenience store.
* I am the mother of two nearly grown girls. I never felt it was my responsibility to be their playmate. When they were babies and toddlers, they played while I pursued my interests, hobbies and chores.
It's important for our children to see us as individuals who are more than "their" parents. Finding a playgroup is always a good idea.
