Erika Ettin column: Top 5 reasons to be thankful in dating
Erika Ettin helps people navigate the world of online dating.
It’s time to put aside our pride and simply be thankful for the blessings we have in life: our health, our family — and dating apps?
In this day and age, we can do just about anything with technology: Read a book without flipping a single page, have groceries delivered with the click of a button, see our friends on the other side of the world on our screens, look at all of our ex’s Instagram pictures (wait a minute — don’t do that!), and, of course, even find a date.
Aziz Ansari noted in his 2015 book, “Modern Romance,” that a 1932 study showed that one-third of married couples had previously lived within just a five-block radius of each other. Case in point: My parents were next-door neighbors, and they celebrated their 41st anniversary this year.
Let’s compare that to our own dating experiences. We sign up for a dating site like OkCupid or Bumble. We swipe and send messages to a number of people. Some respond, some don’t. We line up dates with those who do (well, the ones who don’t flake or ghost anyway). Quite a different story, huh?
In addition to being thankful for our friends and family and our health (especially this year), I’d also like to share five reasons we should be thankful this year, as it relates to dating:
1. Online dating exists.
Do you think the Pilgrims had a way to meet people across the Mayflower, let alone across the world? Their best place to flirt was likely over the ear of corn they were growing, not on their couch in their pajamas using some newfangled technology we like to call the interwebs. Now it’s easy as pumpkin pie.
2. We have options.
We live in a time when, for most of us, the choice of the person we date and/or marry is ours and ours alone. Of course, parents have some influence in this decision, as do friends, but you ultimately get to choose the person who makes you the happiest. Arranged marriages were the norm worldwide until the 18th century. I feel lucky to live in this day and age.
3. Interracial, interfaith and same-sex couples are more widely accepted.
A study published in November of 2013 by Kevin Lewis, a University of California San Diego sociologist, suggests that racial barriers to romance are not as insurmountable as we might suppose. He did his research by analyzing the patterns of 126,134 OKCupid users in a two-and-a-half-month period. He found that, while people often still mainly reach out to others of their own racial background, they are, however, more likely to return an email from someone of another race than previous research would have led to us to expect.
And, once they have replied to a suitor from a different race, people are then more likely to initiate interracial contact in the future. OkCupid also now has so many additional choices for sexual orientation, ranging from sapiosexual (someone who finds intelligence the most sexually attractive feature) to homoflexible.
We’ve come such a long way — the rest is just gravy at this point.
4. There is more gender equality, especially with online dating.
While I am still a proponent of chivalry when it comes to opening doors, I also strongly encourage women to reach out first online with a short and sweet message if someone strikes their fancy. And on Bumble, the woman has to write first.
5. Dating can be fun!
I know it’s sometimes exhausting after a long day of work to motivate yourself to meet someone new, especially when you just want to be a couch (mashed?) potato. But, it’s also exciting to think that someone you meet — maybe the next date — could alter the rest of your life in some way. Maybe you’ll get butterflies, maybe you’ll learn a new recipe, or maybe you’ll simply hone your conversation skills.
Regardless of the outcome, take advantage of the fact that you get to meet new and interesting people.
I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday. Happy dating!
Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge , where she helps others navigate the often intimidating world of online dating. Want to connect with Erika? Join her newsletter, eepurl.com/dpHcH , for updates and tips. ©2021 Tribune Content Agency, LLC