Everyone talks about bridezillas, but nobody ever talks about groomzillas.
They do exist. I live with one. When we started planning our wedding, Roy lulled me into a false sense of security: "Oh, Bernadette," he would say, "I don't really care. You decide. Just tell me what checks to sign and when to show up."
That sounded good and all -- until we actually started planning the wedding. We ended up having quite a few "discussions" about things I didn't think he cared about.
Invitations were one of a few "discussions" we had about planning the wedding. Roy found his inner groomzilla a few times while we were doing the invitations. The gal who made our invites sent us a proof for our approval.
I liked them, I thought they looked fine, but I wanted him to look at them anyway. And I whined until he did so.
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After about seven minutes of silence, he started rambling off things he wanted changed. All I could do was stare at him with my jaw dropped. I acknowledged the changes he wanted made and told him I would send them to our printer. No problem.
He then turned back to me and snarled, "If I need to typeset this myself, I will!" Whoa! Where did that come from? It was just a first proof -- the one to make changes with.
Anyway, after the printer made his changes and sent it back, he made even more changes until it was just the way he wanted it. But keep in mind that he "didn't care."
Another so-called "discussion" was about wedding napkins. A few weeks ago, I was thinking that we were ahead of the game. My friends Jen and Michele asked me if I had ordered my napkins. To be honest, I had not even thought of them before they said something.
When I mentioned needing some custom-printed napkins to Roy, his inner groomzilla reared its ugly head with scary fangs glistening: "Napkins? What? Why can't we just use Vanity Fair napkins? Those are good napkins. Why do we want people wiping their mouths on our names? If someone wants our names on a napkin we can just autograph them!"
I must admit that the image of people bringing napkins to the head table for us to sign did make me giggle for about a minute.
I whined a bit and explained that everyone has personalized napkins. He then turned into a parent and said, "Bernadette, if all the other brides jumped into Lake Superior at the end of October, would you?"
Without missing a beat, I replied, "Well, yes, if everyone else was doing it, I would do it too!"
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I tell you, planning a wedding really brings out one's mature side.
My nerves are getting shot planning this wedding. Some days I have only one nerve left and Roy seems compelled to tap-dance on it with heels.
His latest way to drive me nuts is by claiming he has two costumes for the wedding. He also has mumbled something about makeup -- in a most fiendish way.
This, of course, sets me off on a temper tantrum: "You can have only one costume! How dumb would that be for you to wear a costume for the pictures taken before the wedding, then change for the wedding? You are not the bride! What is wrong with you?"
To be fair, every now and then he brings out my inner bridezilla. He can be like a child at times. When I plead with him to stop torturing me with this silly ideas, he just keeps going on and on. I told him that if I snapped and ended up in the loony bin, it would be his fault. He just smirks at me. I believe that this is one of the other faces that groomzillas use to fray one's wits.
Don't get me wrong, planning a Halloween wedding is fun as well. We are requesting that guests arrive in their favorite Halloween costume. It's been great to hear all the ideas people have for costumes.
We have heard from the silly and raunchy to just amazing. It tickles us that people from months old all the way up to their 80s are planning costumes.
I'm pretty sure it's been years since many of these people have dressed up in costume.
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Even the gal who is going to marry us is going to come in costume. How fun is that?
I wanted to make this a public service announcement for other brides -- three in particular: Roy's niece is getting married next May, and my cousins Haley and Amanda are getting married next summer. I thought it would be helpful to let them and other brides know what they can look forward to.
Don't believe the groom-to-be when he tells you he doesn't care ... it's a trick! He may say he doesn't care right now, but he will change his mind. At least you can be better prepared for it than I was.
Duluth "expat" Bernie Nordman will be returning home this fall to get married. She can be reached via bernie@usrubberstamp.com .
