So, you say you haven’t read a “Random Thoughts” column for a while? What a coincidence, I haven’t written one for a while! Let’s take that long, strange journey into my brain and clear out all the randomness left over from 2011, shall we?
We shall. If Don Ness closes Fond-du-Luth Casino, where will I go for my recommended daily allowance of stale cigarette smoke and desperation? Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum thought the dinosaur display at Bentleyville was “historically accurate” and “cool as heck-fire.” When reminded that the voters of South Carolina probably frown on the word “heck-fire,” he scowled and said, “That’s right. Dammit.” If you’re a professional hand model, I bet you can write off some pretty naughty stuff as a business expense. When the skywalk eventually expands and busts through the walls of the NorShor, I hope they make a display case to present the cool artifacts from that building’s rich theatrical past that they’ll inevitably discover in there. Stuff like Harpo Marx’s rehearsal wig, Fanny Brice’s snuff box, and Eric Ringsred’s monkey deserve to be permanently enshrined. Most humans may have opposable thumbs, but I would say that Fonzie had agreeable thumbs. Little known fact: Andy Rooney loved winter. He would catch snowflakes on his tongue as they shook loose and drifted down from his eyebrows. Disney is re-releasing all their classic films in 3-D! I’ve already called Lakes 10 to reserve my tickets for “The Apple Dumpling Gang” and “That Darn Cat”! What goes around comes around — except for good economic reports from the Obama administration. Those come to a screeching halt when they get to Fox News. Hah! Turns out I CAN eat just one Lay’s potato chip! Now if I only knew where to collect my winnings.... Zombies would be lousy at Monopoly, but they would rule at charades, especially if they got the phrase “hungry for sacks of meat.” Anyone want a bag of Lay’s potato chips? It’s practically full.
Brian Matuszak has been difficult and demanding since February 2008. He is the co-founder of Renegade Comedy Theatre, founder of Rubber Chicken Theater, and has already broken every single one of his New Year’s resolutions. However, it was a fun night, so it’s all good.
budgeteer, budge opinion
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