Caring adults learn more about foster care

Four young adults who had been in foster care talked to a small audience Monday night about their experiences in foster care in an effort to answer questions any potential foster care parents may have. The event took place in an intimate setting at a private foster care agency and included a Mexican meal.

Donna Ennis, regional director of North Homes, moderated the event, which took place in a conference room at their offices in the Medical Arts Building. Those who spoke at the event included case managers, former foster children, current foster parents and individuals considering foster parenting.

Ennis said one thing foster parents can do to make a new foster child feel welcome is to put a photo of the child on the wall next to other family photos. Giving the new child his or her very own blanket, which is a Native American tradition, can also help make him or her feel welcome.

Many of the North Homes foster parents are Native American and, therefore, many of the children that the agency places are also Native American.

The Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA) is a federal law that seeks to keep American Indian children with American Indian families. Congress passed ICWA in 1978 in response to the high number of Indian children being removed from their homes by both public and private agencies.

North Homes Children and Family Services offers foster care and adoption case management as well as in-home services in Duluth and the surrounding area.

Danielle “Danni” Vilas, 22, was the first to speak at the event. She said that involving a foster child in celebrations and starting traditions are both important.

Vilas said that her foster mom, Patt Hardy, has extended family members who always make Christmas ornaments with names engraved or painted on them. Hardy phoned her extended family members and gave them Vilas’ name so that the family members would be sure to make an ornament for her.

Vilas said her biological siblings were in Bemidji and she didn’t want to come to Duluth. “I’ve come a long way, that’s for sure,” Vilas said. “When I got to Patt’s house, I was really bad. I was a troubled kid.”

As she told the story, Vilas leaned into her foster mother, who was sitting beside her at the conference table, and said, “I wasn’t going to get all emotional.” Both Vilas and Hardy wiped tears from their eyes.

Vilas looked at the potential foster parents in the room and said, “Just be there for them. They are going to say they hate you.” She said that being firm and always being there is what most foster children need.

Vilas said she gave Hardy “a little trouble,” but now that she is grown, she is always curious to find out if the new foster kids are giving Hardy any trouble. She wants to make sure they are treating her “mom” right.

Vilas now lives in her own apartment and works as a certified nursing assistant.

Kolie Gutz, who is 19 years old and also a former foster child, said one way a foster family can make a foster child feel welcome is for the family to be involved in the community and take the foster child to community activities.

Gutz said that a foster child can gain acceptance in a community faster and more easily when the foster family is involved in the community. “Have a connection with the community be it a church group, sports activities or choir,” Gutz said.

Gutz said the first night he had with his foster family he went shopping with them and then out to Burger King where the family sat in the van and ate. He said he liked being included. “They would take us to things with them. I liked it,” Gutz said of his last foster family.

They also encouraged him to go to youth groups and always gave him the option of activities. He said if one person in the family had something to do, the whole family would take that person to the event together. “I liked the fact that they always had something to do,” Gutz said.

Gutz said culture shock is a huge issue that youth need to overcome when they first join a new family, and that doesn’t necessarily mean a racial cultural shock. Each family is a little bit different, and it is an adjustment for all parties to figure out how the new child will fit into the family.

Gutz added the race of the family doesn’t matter “as long as the family cares about the child.”

Gutz said he was with a family that had several foster boys, and he liked being a part of a big family. “I still consider them my brothers,” he said.

He said he has had friends say, “How can that guy be your brother? He’s 6'2" and African-American.” But Gutz said he will forever feel a special bond with the boys with whom he shared foster parents.

After the young adults spoke, they traded places with the case mangers and foster parents who shared their experiences.

If you live in Duluth or the surrounding area and would like to learn more about foster care with North Homes, call (218)733-3000.

North Homes Children and Family Services offers foster care and adoption case management as well as in-home services in Duluth and the surrounding area.

Other private agencies dealing with foster care

include: Family Focus, which can be reached at (218)740-3146; Fond du

Lac Band, (218)879-1227; and PATH, Inc., (218)722-6106. To learn more about foster care through St. Louis County, call (218)726-2000.

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