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Published December 21, 2011, 12:00 AM

Brian delivers his 2011 preview at the end of 2011

So, I don’t mean to cause anxiety, but 2012 is rapidly approaching. If you wanted to accomplish anything of note in 2011 – like writing that novel or giving your only child a sibling – you have only two weeks to get it done.

By: Brian Matuszak, for the Duluth Budgeteer News

So, I don’t mean to cause anxiety, but 2012 is rapidly approaching. If you wanted to accomplish anything of note in 2011 – like writing that novel or giving your only child a sibling – you have only two weeks to get it done.

Personally, I need to make that million dollars I had budgeted for this year, so there’s no time for a column this week. Instead, please enjoy this list I made last year at this time in an effort to lift myself out of the ol’ end-of-the-year doldrums.

To be honest, I forgot I had this list. I found it hidden in the porch behind my Barbie cruise ship ... uh, I mean, behind KAYLEE’S Barbie cruise ship! It’s not mine! What kind of a grown man would buy a Barbie cruise ship, print off scripts from “The Love Boat,” and then act them out with finger puppets, using his thumb as Captain Stubing? Not this one, I can assure you!! Ha, ha, ha!

THINGS I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO IN 2011

  • Scheduling a banquet at the Greysolon.

  • Implementing some of these million-dollar ideas that are floating around in my head. For example, inflatable hats!

  • Saying “sitch-ee-ated” instead of “situated” much more often. It just sounds cooler.

  • Finally going to the Omnimax Theater. I’ve been putting that off for far too long.

  • The Vikings returning to the playoffs! I mean, they can’t possibly be worse than they are THIS year.

  • Million Dollar Idea #2: Edible email (maybe tie in with Apple computers made of real apples idea?)

  • I predict a long line of candidates lining up to challenge Don Ness in the mayoral elections. He seems very vulnerable, although that might just be because I saw him at “Toy Story 3,” sitting way in the back of Lakes 10, alone and weepy.

  • Having my wife return Herman Cain’s phone calls. I’m not sure what he wants, but he seems like a very nice man.

  • Working a nod and a “ka-ching” into more banking transactions.

  • Million Dollar Idea #3: Greeting card line for ordering the wrong thing at Applebee’s. First one could be “My condolences over the loss of your appetite when the Quesadilla Burger showed up.”

  • Only one more year until my Senior Discount Eligibility at the Elbo Room in Superior! I’m so close I can taste it!

    Brian Matuszak has been difficult and demanding since February 2008. He is the co-founder of Renegade Comedy Theatre, founder of Rubber Chicken Theater, and he invites you to come watch him portray a teenage caddy, an enthusiastic game show host, a shuffling zombie, and a singing Darren Danielson in this year’s holiday sketch comedy revue titled “The Running (Unopposed) Man” at The Venue at Mohaupt Block. (Click on www.RubberChickenTheater.com to get yourself sitch-ee-ated!)

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