Want Lady Gaga whispering sweet nothings in your ear? Step inside*

“Let’s face it, there is no way to look cool while wearing a Bluetooth … so why not have a little fun with your next one?”

No, that’s not me talking; that’s just how I imagine the pitch went at Earloomz when some highly caffeinated ad wizard came up with the mobile-phone accessory company’s recently unveiled Lady Gaga-branded hands-free headsets.

Earlier this month I received in the mail my “The Fame” headset from Earloomz. (Other Gaga designs include “Famous,” “Monster” and “Speechless,” all of which are based off her albums’ artwork.)

Needless to say, I was ecstatic. Not only do I unabashedly love the eccentric pop singer, like most of America — I feel OK saying this ever since my grandma down in Florida texted me asking which Lady Gaga album to buy** — but, having seen dozens of drivers on Highway 61 paying more attention to their phones than the road, I’m all for Bluetooth headsets.

Sure, my latest prized possession is nothing more than a standard Bluetooth headset with a Lady Gaga sticker on it, but A) it’s a high-quality sticker and B) at least I now brighten the day of anyone I encounter. (They laugh at a straight, white Midwesterner who’s nearing 30 wearing Madonna’s next of kin in his ear, basically.)

Nevertheless, as the fake “ad wizard” said at the top of the page, since you’re not going to look cool being responsible and safe with a Bluetooth, you may as well have some fun.

OK, I’ll be the first to admit that my headline suffers from a classic case of “false advertising.” No, the performer born as Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta will not personally whisper sweet nothings into your ear with the purchase of one of these fancy new Bluetooth headsets. However, you could have your significant other ring you up and do their best Gaga impersonation while you pretend, pretend away....

**I told her both (in the deluxe combo pack), by the way. Sure, “Alejandro” is as annoying as sin, but no record collection is complete without the new EP’s boisterous standout “Teeth.”