Brian Matuszak column: Brian refuses to ‘come on down!’ for traveling game showSo did you get your tickets to see the traveling game show “The Price Is Right” when it was in town last week? I have to admit, I didn’t even know they took game shows on the road anymore.
By: Brian Matuszak, Duluth News Tribune
So did you get your tickets to see the traveling game show “The Price Is Right” when it was in town last week? I have to admit, I didn’t even know they took game shows on the road anymore.
I assumed the practice had been discontinued after that “Hollywood Squares” debacle in the late ’70s when Paul Lynde was discovered in a Jaynesville hotel room wearing an ascot and a toaster oven. But I must be making that up because “The Price Is Right” was indeed live in the Twin Ports.
I did think about going to check it out but a couple things stopped me. First was the fact that it had an actual cost to it. What?! 30 bucks for the privilege of maybe getting called to “come on down” and perhaps getting a chance to bid on some Rice-a-Roni (the San Francisco treat!) then possibly winning a dinette set, a trip to Cancun, and a ne-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-w-w-w car?! No thanks. I’m cheap and my wallet doesn’t care for that many uncertain adverbs.
Secondly, Jerry Springer was the host. What?! Jerry Springer has no association with “The Price Is Right” other than they’ve both been on television since 1917. No disrespect to Mr. Springer, but he belongs on a stage full of stripper siblings and Cousins Who Kiss, not giant foam dice and animatronic yodeling mountain climbers. Why couldn’t they get Bob Barker to travel the country with this show? Heck, I’d have easily handed over $30 plus one to see Bob scattering Plinko chips to an adoring Twin Ports audience like a Minneapolis tourist tossing french fries to the seagulls.
It sounds like I am in the cranky minority on this one, however. Apparently the DECC auditorium was jammed with potential contestants ready to scribble illegibly on huge yellow name tags and play Flip Flop, Hi Lo, and Switcheroo, which, coincidentally, are also the names of Jim Carlson’s three most popular bath salts. But if this is going to become a trend, then I’d like to suggest some other potential traveling game shows that I’d prefer to see live on a Duluth stage:
match game live! Fannie Flagg, Gary Burghoff, and the ghost of Charles Nelson Reilly give contestants the opportunity to fill in the blank and say “derrière” or “making whoopee” multiple times.
name that tune live! Helen Reddy hosts this show that features musicians from your hometown playing songs for contestants to guess. Trampled by Turtles would be ineligible, unfortunately, because all their music sounds the same.
tattletales live! Local celebrity couples are brought onstage by host Jimmie “J.J.” Walker. One partner sticks around to share embarrassing stories about their spouse (“Don is a much better dancer than that YouTube video suggests”) while the other is escorted to a place where their senses are numbed, then shut down by huge walls of monotony and boredom. No, not a soundproof booth.
Brian Matuszak is the founder of Rubber Chicken Theater, and invites you to follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/rchickentheater or “Like” him on Facebook at Rubber Chicken Theater. If he were to ever compete on a game show, it would be “Password” and he would want his word to be “Aristophanes.”