Brian Matuszak column: Brian prepares for fall, emotionally and physicallySo it’s time to bid a fond farewell to summer’s humid, sticky kiss and embrace the cold, wet, punch-in-the-arm of fall.
So it’s time to bid a fond farewell to summer’s humid, sticky kiss and embrace the cold, wet, punch-in-the-arm of fall.
I don’t know about you but I always have a hard time letting go of a Duluth summer; it’s the two weeks out of the year that the thermometer gets above 24.
Plus, every weekend finds a new festival in Bayfront Park that’s sure to impress, from a balloonless Balloonfest to the totally unexpected sight of tall ships that actually float on water.
But the seasons, much like Garry Krause, don’t stick around forever and now it’s time to shift gears and get myself ready for the upcoming autumn months.
The first thing I do is to toughen up, mentally and emotionally, for the traditional fall Sunday heart-crushing I’m going to experience with the Minnesota Vikings. I accomplish this is by going to Superior nightclubs on Saturday night and asking college women if they’d like to dance. The laughter, withering looks, and calls for security help toughen me up for the
next day’s Christian Ponder interceptions.
The two times a year we play the Packers, I have to go even more hardcore: I call Mom so she can tell me how proud she is of my brothers. Do your worst, Aaron Rodgers! I’m ready!
Next, I need to cover the tomatoes, and no, that’s not a euphemism. Get your mind out of the gutter! After removing those covers, I head out to the garden to prevent frost.
Finally, Sue, Kaylee, and
I will head down to the summer campground in Sturgeon Lake so we can close up our site for the winter. We are relatively new to this process and so we rely on our good friends, Lori and Don, to help us winterize, de-winterize, re-winterize, and re-de-winterize the camper. Every year, Don meticulously goes through all the steps we need to do in September so we don’t find an exploded camper full of mice when we come back in May.
And every year, I wish
I would have written down what Don said in a more legible manner. I can make out the words “pour antifreeze,” “unclamp hose,” and “just get out of the way,” but that’s about it. I think we’ll just use our traditional method of relying on Don and Lori’s wonderful patience and friendship to help us out again this year, along with a case of Coors Light.
Well, that’s about it. I am now ready to take on whatever September, October, and November throw my way. Better get started on your list soon because before you know it, winter will be here, and after that, it’s winter with bugs.
Plus, you want to be ready when the next Bayfront Festival Park concert comes to town. The rumor is that it’s two hours of Bob Dylan eating Chipotle burritos while Don Ness twerks in the background, but that sounds pretty far-fetched.
Bob Dylan hates Chipotle.
Brian Matuszak is the founder of Rubber Chicken Theater, and invites you to follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/rchickentheater or like him on Facebook at Rubber Chicken Theater. He actually enjoys this time of year because the explosion of colorful leaves on the trees reminds him of his favorite snazzy suit from 1983. He hasn’t seen it since he got married, but it’ll probably turn up someday.