Brian Matuszak column: Organized for too long, Brian jots some Random ThoughtsSo I’ve felt a bit off lately but I couldn’t figure out what was the problem. All my ducks were in a row, I was on the same page as everyone else, all my eggs were counted before I hatched them … and that’s when it hit me: I’ve been too organized!
So I’ve felt a bit off lately but I couldn’t figure out what was the problem. All my ducks were in a row, I was on the same page as everyone else, all my eggs were counted before I hatched them … and that’s when it hit me: I’ve been too organized!
And my neat, methodical life has also been reflected in my Budgeteer columns. Well, no more! Crank up the metaphorical steam shovel and excavate some of those arbitrary thoughts that are buried, sporadic and deep, within the tiny, dark recesses of my mind. Let’s organize one last time, but do it to create another version of … Brian’s Random Thoughts!! (No charge for the extra exclamation point!)
I don’t care if it’s just good intentions, at least the road to hell is paved with SOMETHING. It’s also a safe bet that, since it’s paved, that road doesn’t run through Duluth.
•My official pirate name is Cap’n Squinty. I have a name tag and everything.
•When Barry Manilow asks the musical question “Could It Be Magic?” I always give him the musical answer “No, Those Doves Were Hiding In The Magician’s Pants.”
•Cluck, cluck … I think … cluck … hypnotism … cluck, cluck … is … for … the … cluck, cluck … weak-minded. Bwack!
•Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. But what if that man is allergic to seafood? What then, Mister Do-Gooder?
•If I were a lawyer, my opening statement would always end with “Let’s Play the Feud!”
•It’s not you. It’s me. Wait, what am I saying? It’s totally you.
•I have attended several storytelling events over the years, yearning to be told the story of a lovely lady who was bringing up three very lovely girls. Alas, not yet.
•Call me old-fashioned, but I like to know my government is spying on me. At least someone finds me interesting.
•Confession time. I got tossed out of forest ranger school for conducting illegal wood tick races.
•Cocoa “Puffs”? More like Cocoa “Break-Your-Teeth-Balls.”
•The best entertainment in town is when the video machine breaks at Channel 10. I saw more sweat and tap dancing on a 10 p.m. newscast last week than a “42nd Street” revival.
Brian Matuszak is the co-founder of Renegade Comedy Theatre, founder of Rubber Chicken Theater, and doesn’t like organizing his sock drawer, let alone his thoughts, so both remain blissfully messy.