Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can put off 'til next week

So we’re about halfway through summer now (although many would argue that in Duluth, summer’s halfway point is actually May 27) and the days are flying by faster than ... something really funny and fast that might fly by.*

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*NOTE TO EDITOR: I will come up with a hilarious analogy that goes here by my final deadline. Don’t worry.

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Still lots of tasks to accomplish (those Proctor Hoghead Festival T-shirts ain’t gonna drive themselves to Savers) and fun to be had (can you say Tupperware Twitter Party?!) around the Matuszak household, but we’ll have to rush to get them all done. That’s because most of the hours I have allotted to do things seem to get sucked into that gigantic Time Hole of Things I Should NOT Be Doing, but that’s the way it’s always been for me. If I am working on a project with no deadline, it is always going to float around out in the ether, bobbing up and down like ... something really silly that bobs up and down a lot.**

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**ANOTHER NOTE TO EDITOR: Again, I need to think of some clever analogy to insert here. Or is it a metaphor? I can never remember. I will look that up at some point and let you know either way.

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You know what it’s like. You SHOULD get that Zombie Survival Plan done today, but Facebook is calling with all those cute pictures your co-worker posted of her Tupperware Twitter Party. (They’re fun, I tell you!) You NEED to de-lint the cat because your mother’s coming over on Friday, but today’s the day the killer is revealed on your favorite soap opera “The Old and the Apathetic” and so the kitty remains linted. You MUST get those back hedges clipped this afternoon because the low growls you heard emanating from the foliage last week means that something has taken up residence near the gazing ball again, but ... a comical reason you can’t do that presents itself and you wait.***

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***THIRD AND FINAL NOTE TO EDITOR: I forgot what I was going to look up. Can you send me a reminder email and when I finally get around to checking my messages, I will eventually let you know what I was originally intending to find out at some point in the very near future. Probably.

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It’s a good thing I have a weekly deadline for this column or it would never get done. Every Monday at noon, I send in my Budgeteer column promptly at 12:32 p.m. OK, OK, sometimes it’s a little late, but Monday mornings are packed! I have to surf through the celebrity websites to see who Alec Baldwin shoved over the weekend, then there’s my morning exercise regimen of 4 sit-ups and a slice of lemon-frosted Bundt cake, followed by a cooling off period that involves re-enacting scenes from “Goodfellas” with hand puppets.

It’s called priorities, people. Or an analogy.****

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****FOURTH AND HONEST-TO-GOODNESS FINAL NOTE TO EDITOR: I’m not crazy about that last joke. I’ll send something better later in the day, for sure. Whatever you do, don’t publish this one. Thanks!

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Brian Matuszak has been difficult and demanding since February 2008. He is the co-founder of Renegade Comedy Theatre, founder of Rubber Chicken Theater, and lives by the motto: “Procrastination, thy name is ...”

Tags: budge opinion, budgeteer