Brian celebrates two years' worth of funny stuff

So it is the second anniversary of my panicked, last-minute, slapped together … uh, I mean, carefully planned out and crafted ... weekly columns for the Budgeteer News. Hard to believe it’s already been 730 days since I first put pen to paper in an attempt to jot down some humorous observations. I’ll never forget how the stupid pen started to run out of ink in the middle of the phrase “Duluth debacle” and, when I went to find a new one, there weren’t any around because my daughter had taken them for something frivolous, like homework, and never returned them. So then I ended up having to use pencils, which wouldn’t have been so bad but they’re NEVER sharpened around here, so I had to gather them all up like a bundle of twigs and head all the way down to the basement to do it BY HAND with our old school pencil sharpener, which, OF COURSE, is right next to the CAT LITTER BOXES, which no one ever seems to be able to empty around here except for ME, and when I finally DO get around to performing THAT lovely chore, the cats decide that NOW would be the PERFECT TIME to explode a stink bomb so bad your eyes water and your nose hair curls, and before you know it, THERE I AM, HOLDING A PLASTIC MENARDS BAG OVERFLOWING WITH CAT CLUMPS, CRYING MY EYES OUT AS I CLUTCH A CLATCH OF DULL NUMBER-TWO PENCILS!!!!

Which is why I stopped writing out the columns by hand.

But I digress ....

Two years’ worth of Budgeteer columns would not have been possible without the efforts of many people, far too many to thank properly on this page. That, and I can’t really remember their names right now. I have them written down somewhere but taking the time to look would eat into that carefully planned out and crafted style that I wrote about earlier. Instead, I’ll just thank the folks whose names I can actually remember. And spell. For the past two years, these people have inspired me and acted as a crutch for thousands of easy laughs and last-minute punchlines. And for that, I thank them.

- Brad Bennett. Duluth’s version of Norm Crosby. Brad’s local talk show on WDSM features a wonderful daily collision of misinformation and mouth parts. And if the topic is tax assessment and St. Louis County Auditor Don Dicklich ... well, listening to Brad skate around those verbal land mines makes for some mighty entertaining radio.

- The Duluth City Council. Need quick, decisive action taken on national issues that have nothing to do with Duluth? They have you covered. Need long, drawn-out debate on local issues with little to no resolution? Ditto!

- The creators of the Un-Fair Campaign. It’s hard to see irony when you’re right.

- The Duluth School Board. There is something wonderful about ramming through an unpopular Red Plan, then acting offended when nobody votes for a tax increase to pay for it. It’s Trump-oninan in its audacity!

- Don Ness. He knows why.

- Barbara Reyelts. She has no idea why. At least, that’s what it says on the restraining order I received.

Brian Matuszak has been difficult and demanding since February 2008. He is the co-founder of Renegade Comedy Theatre, founder of Rubber Chicken Theater, and admits to slapping this tag together at the last minute, with no time to prooofread it.

Tags: budge opinion, budgeteer