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Published March 07, 2012, 12:00 AM

Brian’s brain is clogged with random thoughts

So the winter of 2011 finally arrived … in February of 2012. It would have been here sooner, but it had to wait for a permit from the Duluth Weather Inspection Office.

By: Brian Matuszak, for the Duluth Budgeteer News

So the winter of 2011 finally arrived … in February of 2012. It would have been here sooner, but it had to wait for a permit from the Duluth Weather Inspection Office.

You know what else is a little late to the party? No, not facts to the Republican primary race ... well, yes, that too, but I’m actually referring to an idea for my column this week. The creative half of my brain seemed to be clogged up, which means it’s time to take the figurative plunger to that right side and unplug all those wet, mooshy, hairy random thoughts and plop ‘em onto the page!

Sorry, hope you weren’t eating ….

  • “Prairie Home Companion” was awesome! Let’s get more radio shows to broadcast live from the DECC! I heard Rush Limbaugh was interested, but there’s not a downtown pharmacy anymore, so he declined.

  • The last four things I’ve given up for Lent: chocolate, wine, Elvis hunting, and pants.

  • Hey, we got a free day this year! What did you do with your February 29? I spent the morning watching Ely bear den footage on the Internet, tried on sweatpants at Savers till around 3, then went home and cried myself to sleep watching “Terms of Endearment” and popping ear blisters on my cat.

  • I got new glasses and the first three reactions? Silence, silence, and “You got grandpa’s glasses!” I am returning my new glasses.

  • If you’re the band Golden Earring, do you open your show with “Radar Love” and save “Twilight Zone” for the encore, or vice versa?

  • I.V. Foster. Apparently, the I.V. stands for “I Vanished.”

  • Ironically, on the same day he invented the telephone, Alexander Graham Bell was under the weather and told Watson he was just “phoning it in.”

  • Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t believe chivalry is dead. I always open doors for the ladies and assist them in putting on their coats. I used to help them with their seats until I discovered there is more than one definition for the word “seat,” and you really need to be on the same page with that one.

  • Forget congressional districts, I need the lines redrawn on my face.

    Brian Matuszak has been difficult and demanding since February 2008. He is the co-founder of Renegade Comedy Theatre, founder of Rubber Chicken Theater, and he is a true sportsman. For instance, he spent all day last Saturday fishing for compliments.

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