Rubber Chicken Scratchings: More random thoughts from Brian’s brain, but not all are from BrianThe random thoughts are piling up in my brain again. Or maybe that’s the seasonal phlegm. Either way, time to shovel some gunk out of my head and onto the pages of the Budgeteer!
By: Brian Matuszak, Budgeteer News
The random thoughts are piling up in my brain again. Or maybe that’s the seasonal phlegm. Either way, time to shovel some gunk out of my head and onto the pages of the Budgeteer!
• If Pauly Shore headlined a fundraiser for an old theater building in Duluth by utilizing the techniques he picked up in a movie where he played a modern artist who gives up certain aspects of farming … would it be a NorShor Shore Show to Shore Up the NorShor by Eschewing Sheep Shaving a la M.C. Escher? (If it were called that, you couldn’t advertise the event on WDSM. Trying to pronounce that title would cause half their announcing staff’s mouths to explode.)
• You might be able to live in a giant peach, but is physically impossible to eat your way out of it. However, you do have a fighting chance to eat your way out of a melon the size of a filing cabinet.
• George may have said it would be like this, but he made no mention of the floating, screaming spider hats.
• Is it just me or are Spongebob’s pants more rectangular than square? (Hey, that’s not my random thought! That’s my daughter’s! Kaylee, what are you doing in here? Get out of my head!)
• Why do I have a nagging suspicion that Jeno Paulucci has already cryogenically frozen himself until a cure for crankiness is found?
• Remember when your movie theater choices were simply Cinema One…or Two? Or Kenwood One…or Two? Life was simpler then.
• Message to Texas Roadhouse: If I wanted to watch indifferent people trying to dance while I'm eating, I would turn on the Duluth City Council Meeting.
• If it’s not illegal to lick doorknobs in Hermantown, it sure oughta be. (Wait! That’s Kaylee again! Don’t you have homework to do, kid?!)
• Questions You Should Never Pose On a First Date (I learned these the hard way.)
1) Is that what you’re wearing?
2) Which Barry Manilow song is your favorite?
3) Does this look infected to you?
• I’m no Jedi Master, but why didn't Yoda just put Luke's X-Wing fighter back in the swamp until Luke could get it out himself? That would have messed up Darth's Cloud City Plan, but good. And why ride around on Luke’s back during the training if all you’re going to do is complain?
• If vampires really twinkled like they do in “Twilight,” I might think about becoming one. Until then, count me out.
• If the Duluth Public Library people are going to look at me funny every time I check out the serial killer books, they shouldn't have them available.
• I saw Huey Lewis and the News do a mike check when I worked at the Arena in the '80s. I also ate some leftovers off of Loverboy's backstage meat and cheese platter. Fee Waybill from The Tubes even autographed my "What Do You Want From Life" list compiled from their song of the same name. True stories all, about the Best Job Ever.
• Bald men are scary. (That’s it, Kaylee! You’re grounded! What? That’s not mine! It’s not? Who else is in my head then? Well, Mom was back in the corner a while ago, dusting out some cobwebs and wondering what random thoughts you kept locked in that chest. Which chest? The one marked “Cove Cabaret 1983”. Uh, I think it’s past your bedtime. Yoda, do you have anything to add?)
• Silly, this is.
Brian Matuszak has been difficult and demanding since February of 2008. He is the co-founder of Renegade Comedy Theatre and founder of Rubber Chicken Theater and has no secrets about the Cove Cabaret or the year 1983, as far as you know.